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newer-older-profile-gbook-notes- e-mail-dland direct from the dealer. 05.19.02 at 8:34 pm 0 comments so far exerpts and additions from and to email to aliencross. no conjunctions allowed in sentance. godspeed. are they called conjunctions? someone please let me know. stimulation overload. i just came from the brain sucking station, better known as starbucks coffee company. SO. i didn't have grades in grade school, but i did get a lot of comments. in first grade i spoke out of turn a lot. that was right after montessori, and then a lutheran preschool, so, yeah, i came from a pretty free form schooling system into a not so much that way school. it fucks with a kid's head when they are allowed to do something and then suddenly not allowed to do it. fucked with mine, probably. hell, look at me now. maybe that's why i suck at communication within relationships. maybe it's all a farce�that we are all connected in some social relationship because we are the same species and are aware of that, and we live together and are therefore responsible to each other. maybe we should give up on getting along. maybe discordance is meant to be our reality. clearly that's how the world has always been�war has been our only constant. i was a really good kid. i got good grades, never broke my 1130 curfew, played sports, and so on. in the end, i'll bet you had more fun, and we've ended up in the same place. i'd say my acceptance of my parameters while growing up is disgusting. i could have broken a lot more rules and had a lot more fun. and it probably would have turned out the same. hell, maybe i'd be better at what i do. or not? but, beyond my little world, what do i do? it's like the youth movement. it'll never go anywhere because one day, all the youths are no longer youths, and what do they have to gain from helping kids. after all, maybe they internalize the thought that they got through the system okay, so why can't the future youths do it? � it's like when your parents say, 'i did it, and so can you.' "As is the mother, so is her daughter" [ezekiel] the cycle repeats. the end. you're right, i can't say that you have to play the game to end the game. not everyone has the means and sometimes i forget that. although, in my arrogant mind state sometimes i think that everyone can make it. but that's not true either. fucko. and those that do "make it" when they weren't supposed to are not the norm. and, no, we shouldn't praise ourselves for helping the few that do "make it." we should know that for every one that did make it, even though they "shouldn't" have, there are thousands/millions that will never make it. in this world where advertisement is the greatest strenght of any revolution [i think] maybe academia is the freshest thing we can get our hands on. i mean, how many kids do you know who claim activist status after having protested one thing, gotten shit in their faces, and now think they're the cat's meow? maybe i'm in the wrong part of the country, having had all the "cool" kids go to wto. but protesting seems like the new big thing. and people go to protest like one would go to a concert or a rave or something. they come back bragging about how much shit they threw at the cops, or what they broke, or who they saw getting pounded down. i think protest, while it brings visibility, is the weakest link in the future of social movements. every fucking day there is a protest for one cause or another. there are too many of them. and therefore, none of them will truly "make it." the system is inundated with protests, so no one person/group can devote the amount of energy necessary for just one social movement to succeed. we're overextended as social activists [not that the we really includes me.] not that we should be so single minded as to ignore other causes, but sometimes focus is neccessary. i don't see a solution because, obviously, someone devoted to one cause isn't going to drop their shit to support something they haven't invested themselves into. i'm envisioning a check list, or a to do list of different social movements and causes. i want to complete some of them, like i complete my homework�doing the easy stuff first�so that i have the energy to focus on the big things. but i know that can't work because... because there's so much. it seems that we need to reroute everything that this WORLD is founded on. like, we need to thin out the population. my mind is clouded with too much and i can't see clearly. there's too much to know. too much to care about. how can anyone know where to start? i think i've found the root of my apathy. i know i've rambled a lot, but i think i found some clarity in my thought. i hope you can decipher what's left of my nimble mind. thanks for your thoughts. hope you found that tea and cigar. i sure as hell need it. love always, cal. |