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newer-older-profile-gbook-notes- e-mail-dland hair on ass. 07.22.02 at 9:15am 0 comments so far lately i have been thinking about transitioning a lot and what, from drake, nadia sent me...and i'm consumed with the prospect of top surgery and conflicted with the outcomes of T. i haven't been thinking about much of other kinds of transitions in my life. and i worry that if i were to transition, in even one way, i might lose or never have someone in my life. and i know that's nut an uncommon fear, but i still fear it. maybe it's a fear of commitment--having hair anywhere [ie. my ass!] is a big deal. drake: "well, for me... i think i feel more genderqueer than i do FTM. this is where i am confused. sometimes i really really want top surgery and T - i'll look at guys on the subway and get jealous.. but other times, i get all freaked out about T & surgery and being a "man". i dont want to be a "man". i think a lot of my problems with making a decision stem around general issues i have with bio-men (past abuse), that i am just not sure how to get over. anyways.. so sometimes i think a reduction will be enough if i can get them small enough to where theyre not noticeable - like, i could wear a sportsbra & you wouldnt be able to tell. i just think if i have so many doubts.. then, if i can get a reduction covered by insurance, i might as well go for it now. then later, if i want top surgery, i can still get it. whereas, if i get top surgery now - theres no going back. but, if i cant get reduction covered by insurance - i dunno... i dont want to pay that money TWICE (maybe). bah." |