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newer-older-profile-gbook-notes- e-mail-dland the story of poo. 10.02.02 at 4:39 pm 0 comments so far so, here's the funny story... there was shit on the bath mat in my bathroom [a typical place for a bath mat, i admit.] i got home at eight pm after work and ashley, b, c and d were at my house drinking. later, c and d left. then d came back. then b left. then ashley and i walked c home. then ashley and i went to sleep. in the morning, ashley was taking a shower and i awoke. when she emerged from the shower she said that there was shit in our bathroom. i scoffed. then, i went to the bathroom because she said, 'no, really.' she then showed me how she found it...the mat was flipped over onto the poo. the bathroom is very small, and the bathmat doubles as a toilet mat...reminicent of the u-shaped mats my parents have. thoughts crossed our minds...was it cat shit? no, the circumference was too large and there was too much. was it a dog? there was no dog in our house and all the windows were closed all night long. was it a stranger? no, our door was locked all night. was it someone who was over in the evening? well, it sure as fuck wasn't ashley or me...and i can't imagine that it was a practical joke. and i can't imagine that anyone was so fucked up as to miss the toilet. not to mention that the pile was so "organized" in that it was one succinct pile that deviated in no way. and, for sure, it was not an animal because what kind of animal shits on the bath mat and then flips it over to hide it? but what kind of person shits on the floor? perhaps, i have considered, someone was throwing up while they were shitting and decided to turn around and ended up shitting on the floor while throwing up into the toilet. but, sick! and, even in the drunkest state, i think most people would realize that they had shit in the bathroom. furthermore, i do believe they would realize that ashley and i would find it. so, how difficult, assuming it was one of our guests, how difficult would it have been to move the shit into the toilet, and then carry the bath mat out and say, 'sorry guys. i threw up in your bathroom and some of it got on your bath mat. can i just throw it in the washing machine so you don't have to deal with it?' because, honestly, i wouldn't have questioned them. i wouldn't have said, "i don't believe you! i think you shat on the mat. i'm going to smell it and touch it! let me see." i would have said, sure, go for it. thanks for cleaning up after yourself. but, no. as it is, the mat is sitting outside because i started gagging when i picked it up to go throw it in the dumpster. of course, one further explanation exists; either ashley or i went on a little sleep walk and decided that the floor looked nice. one more discrepancy. there was no toilet paper laden with shit to be found. so, clearly they found the toilet for that part. what the fuck. d and c were in the bathroom for some time. and of all mornings, ashley said, "that's a leaf on the floor right?" and i said, of course!!! and kicked it with a toe and, no...of all mornings the cat gave us a hairball in the middle of the floor.
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