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newer-older-profile-gbook-notes- e-mail-dland baby's cock. 11.07.02 at 12:48 am 0 comments so far kill your babies. the baby i have a bad rep in this town. and i think that's meant to happen�to build character�for when i get out and away from "this place"�away from "these people." and, sadly, for me, this place is like all places, they are people like all my people. and there's really no place to go�left or right�there's no place for me�except up and down. for now it's down and someday, looking for up, i'll find it. or not. "you all" might find me first� baby's diaper a coward, a hermit, unfound, abandoned, hurt, angry, lost, hated, scarred, broken, fucked, pained, buried, behind, raped, beaten. and we'll pretend it's my fault�it probably is. and it takes four to be a gang, so you win; because i'm on my own. and it takes one for love and two to be in love but we're way past that now. we're too good for us and any of this. i like to entertain childhood dreams over my grown-up coffee at all hours and 'd be kdding if i said i didn't care, if it didn't hurt me as if i had ever stopped living�ever stopped feeling. and i might still be someone's asshole, but i was never your liar, lover. regretfully regressed�it was so easy, it's got to be wrong because i can't afford to be right this time. and falling, my cuts and bruises on the left�left side, of my heart�toppling of stability, inability of coherence�should be a sign�a signal as to why i should hate myself or at least know why i am hated. i should know�even when i know t is not my fault�it's your fault�i must remember, i must proclaim, sometimes it's usually my fault and i'm sorry for all i have caused and my pain is all for you. i suffer, i am inspired, i write for you. my life is to be of service to the "you" i threw away with my grown-up gourmet spent coffee grounds. and, yes, i'm sorry. and, yes, i'm sorry, yes. but not because you gloat in a corner behind my shoulder. and not because i'm sorry i gave you the chance to pillage my body. gave you the time of day, time to find my core, time of my mind. no, i'm not sorry. but even my fault, this time, brings my own bad rep to my awareness. moreover, i can [re]create my own. so thanks for your help, but no thanks. you can tell your girlfriend i'm not interested. you can tell your friends i didn't think twice/ihaven't thought twice/i never think twice. remind yourself that i was always the asshole�i never really cared and i never really will. i can keep hiding behind the bad rep, the big name you've given me in this small town.
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